With the release of the Glastonbury lineup this week I breathed a large sigh of relief. Not only did the list of bands seem distinctly average, it was almost as if the Eavises had managed to compile a billing of some of the most nauseating guitar acts to appear in the last few years: among them The Fratellis, The Hoosiers, The Wombats, The Enemy, The Courteeners and Pigeon Detectives and Scouting For Girls. If you wanted to get me to eat my own skin then force me to listen to these seven shocking excuses for bands and I’d be begging you for a knife and fork.
One of the big controversies about this year’s festival, even before tickets went on sale, was the announcement of US rap behemoth Jay-Z as headliner. Supposedly the idea was that the festival was getting too middle aged and middle class; it needed some fresh young blood in the audience and the way to attract it was with this “hip hop” thing the kids are talking about. Which begs the question why does the lineup include The Feeling, KT Tunstall, James Blunt, Will Young. Crowded House and Shakin’ Stevens? Shakin’ Stevens for God’s sake! You may as well paint him white and lay him down on the tarmac now. This isn’t even going to attract the Observer Music Monthly Crowd. This is pure supermarket CD shoppers’ fare. Everything seems to suggest that Michael Eavis is a hypocrite or just plain stupid. Maybe he’s just getting forgetful.
As I looked down the list of the three main stages (Pyramid, Other, John Peel) I could find a mere six artists I would actually want to see. ‘I just saved myself 160-plus quid’ I thought. But Glastonbury is so much more than its headliners, more than the big names, more than the main stages. The more I look around the full lineup the more I realise that I could have a fantastic time. On the smaller stages I could spend the weekend in the blissful company of Mystery Jets, My Latest Novel, The National, Patrick Watson, Make Model, Santogold, Edwyn Collins, Crystal Castles, Jamie T, MGMT, Battles, Laura Marling, The Futureheads, British Sea Power, Friendly Fires and Billy Bragg. Or just a load of artists I’ve never heard of.
And it’s this diversity that makes the festival special. It’s the fact that ultra-hip teens can catch their fare of obscure electronica and forty-somethings can come to listen to that nice chappie with the floppy hair, and grown men can relive their drunken youth to the sounds of Britpop past and an old hippy can get high in the stone circle while another old hippy strums a broken guitar and all just a few fields apart. The fact that it attempts to represent the near totality of modern British music (although it doesn’t quite manage to cover all bases) is what allows Glastonbury to retain its status as the UK’s and maybe the world’s premier music event. Maybe I should have bought a ticket.
